


STOP HITTING YOURSELF

by Bobsled_Hostage



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures, MS Paint Fan Adventures
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Blood Swap, F/M, Gen, Mind Control, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Red Dead Virgo, bloodswap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-03 21:42:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10975899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bobsled_Hostage/pseuds/Bobsled_Hostage
Summary: Things have... kind of sucked, since your dreamself died.The eponymous Red Dead Virgo freaks out after a daymare.  A nubby horned degenerate tries to calm her down.





	STOP HITTING YOURSELF

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Red Dead Virgo](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/292218) by adamantApoplectic. 



> This isn't going to make much sense unless you've read Red Dead Virgo
> 
> Go read it! It's one of the best things to come out of Old Homestuck Fandom

* * *

 

You lean into the fierce wind, eyes stinging, hair and clothes plastered to you by the icy cold rain.  Ahead of you, Nepeta laughs and shrieks and turns to urge you forward, yowls of encouragement barely audible over the surf crashing against the rocks below the sheer cliff face.  The Land of Gales and Waves isn’t your first choice of meeting place, but Nepeta is one of your best friends.  Soon you’ll reach the cave she told you about.  You’ll get warm and dry off, and she’ll hug you and laugh, and you’ll sit on something soft and have tea together.  All you have to do is catch up with her. 

She’s so far away, the wind pushes you back and she just gets farther and farther

and farther

away

Until she’s right in front of you

and it isn’t her anymore

her face is gone

the world falls away around you into seething darkness

the empurress embraces you, fractal chelicerae and icy flagella pressing in all around you, drowning you, seeping in through your skin

 

your mind overflows with dark thoughts

* * *

 

 

With a shriek, you’re back in your pile, in the corner of the meteor you staked out as yours.  Your rumpled clothes are cold and greasy but they’re too tight and too hot and all you can hear is your bloodpusher thrumming in your ears.  It’s happening again, you thought you could stop it but now you can’t breathe and the calming thoughts aren’t working.  The room is too small and your vision is going red and your claws are out and you want to worry and rip and worry and rip and worry and rip and hurt and rip and-

 

\-- gloomyApoplectic [GA] began trolling cunningGangewifre [CG] \--  
GA: Help  
CG: WITH WHAT, YOUR SUICIDE NOTE?  
CG: CONGRATULATIONS ON FINALLY DECIDING TO TAKE THE PLUNGE, WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU.  
CG: UNFORTUNATELY I CAN’T HELP YOU, I’M STILL PUTTING THE FINISHING TOUCHES ON MINE.  
CG: BUT HEY, CATCH YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE, MUTIE.  
CG: OR NOT, IF I’M LUCKY  
GA: Hlp  
GA: Its HappeningAgain  
CG: FUCK’S SAKE.  
CG: CAN YOU ACTIVATE TEXT TO SPEECH?  
GA: cnt speek Cant Breahe  
CG: ALRIGHT, YOU TOLD ME TO TELL YOU NEXT TIME I WAS GOING TO DO THIS.  
CG: SO CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED.  
GA: nno DOnt  
CG: TOO LATE, YOU ASKED FOR IT.  
CG: GRACING YOUR DISEASED THINKPAN WITH MY PRESENCE IN THREE  
CG: TWO  
GA: Sop  
CG: ONE

And like that, he freezes you.  You do not bite through your lips or your hands.  You do not tear holes in anything with your talons or your teeth or your ragripper.  As though from a great distance, you feel yourself calmly reaching for a cloth from the pile.  Blotting at the grotesque, candy red blood (you don’t know if those are your words or his) already oozing from your arms and hands where you clawed yourself.

You hate it when he does this.  You hate it you hate it you hate it.  You hate losing control and you hate letting him in your head, you hate how insufferably smug he always is and you hate giving him one more thing he can hold over you.

You hate how it always calms you down.

He puppets you back to the pile, sits you down.  You wait with your hands daintily folded, the picture of poise.  Paralyzed and sitting patiently until he arrives and, mercifully, finally, releases your mind.

How Dare You How Dare You How _Fucking Dare You_ You Sanctimonious Festering Parasite On The Mother Grubs-

PUT A SOCK IN IT MARYAM.  LOOK INTO THAT RAGING DROSS COFFER FIRE YOU CALL A THINKPAN AND TELL ME THAT YOU WISH I HAD LEFT YOU TO YOUR OWN DEVICES.  He undoes the button on his jacket and sits down in the pile.  JUST FUCKING TRY IT.  JUST TELL ME YOU WANTED TO GO IT ALONE AND I’LL NEVER SOIL MY PRONGS DIGGING AROUND IN YOUR SKULL AGAIN.  GO AHEAD, COME ON, SAY IT.  SAY-

You hit him.  He sneers and you hit him again, staining your knuckles cobalt where you split his lip.  You swing a third time and blacken his eye, will to harm rapidly draining with sheer exhaustion and the futility of it all.  He absorbs a couple more half hearted blows, waiting until your curses turn to sobs.  When he’s satisfied that you’re done abusing his EXCELLENT VISAGE he scoots closer and lets you hide your tears in the folds of his jacket.  He pushes your head back for a moment, fishing out a cerulean pocket square to tuck between your face and his chest.  You murmur something about odd priorities.  He grumbles that he’d rather not die with his lapel covered in mutant snot.

You giggle at that.  That little hint that, beneath all his awfulness, he’s just as close to cracking as you.

DON’T EVEN FUCKING THINK ABOUT PURRING.  OR ABOUT ME PURRING.

You giggle again.  You can’t help it.

I’M NOT JOKING.  IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT YOU BETTER BELIEVE I’LL KNOW, AND I’LL MAKE PAUSING YOUR THOUGHT SPONGE LOOK LIKE A GODDAMNED LAWNMEAL COMPARED TO THE MESS I LEAVE IN THERE.

Well Now That You Have Put The Idea In My Head

You argue and needle one another, interrupted by long bouts of almost companionable silence.  He’s pleasantly cool against you, even through the idiotic dress clothes he still insists on wearing.  If he’s rifling around in your head, he gives no indication.  You listen to his bloodpusher and, thinking about it for a moment, convince yourself the beats are coming in groups of eight.

When he adjudges you sufficiently relaxed, he asks what the hell it was that set you off.

I Fell Asleep

GOOD GOD WHY?

Are You Asking By What Mechanism I Achieved This Feat

I’M ASKING WHY YOU THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO DO SOMETHING YOU KNEW WAS HORRIBLE DUE TO FIRSTHAND EXPERIENCE, AND THAT I ALSO TOLD YOU TO AVOID FOR THAT EXACT REASON.  He shifts and tugs another pillow under himself.  EVEN GIVEN YOUR PROCLIVITY FOR ABUSING YOURSELF FOR NO DISCERNABLE BENEFIT I CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

Yes Of Course How Silly Of Me To Perform One Of The Biological Functions Required For My Existence- he gently squeezes the base of your broken horn. Perhaps Next I Will Stop Eating

OH NO, DON’T YOU START WITH THAT SHIT TOO.  I KNOW IT’S HARD TO BELIEVE GIVEN HOW GENUINELY WORTHLESS YOU ARE, BUT WAS BEING FACETIOUS WHEN I SAID YOU NEEDED TO KILL YOURSELF.   He squeezes harder, rubbing at the membrane.  I WASN’T GOING TO BOTHER EXPLAINING THAT, BUT THEN I REMEMBERED YOU’RE LITERALLY THE DUMBEST GUTTERBLOOD IN PARADOX SPACE, AND THAT I NEED TO USE SMALLER WORDS WHEN I’M TALKING TO DISGUSTING, MALFORMED PIECES OF CULLBAIT WHO-

You purr.  You weren’t going to until he told you not to, but it does feel nice and you’re... “happy” is so far away from how you feel right now, “content” is totally out of the question.  He flicks your horn and you nuzzle until he mentally jabs your thinkpan in annoyance.  But does not, notably, scramble your brains as previously advertised.

LOOK........ IF YOU ACTUALLY NEED TO SLEEP, MAYBE I CAN FREEZE UP YOUR THINKPAN SO YOU CAN NAP WITHOUT BEING SPITROASTED IN BUBBLE HELL.

Would That Work Or Are You Raising My Expectations For The Sole Purpose Of Dashing My Hopes For Your Own Amusement.  You barely have the energy to banter with him. 

COMPLETE HONESTY?  NO IDEA.  IN CASE IT’S NOT OBVIOUS, I’M NOT USED TO ACTUALLY HELPING PEOPLE WITH MY AMAZING FEATS OF MENTAL MANIPUL8TION.

Really Because I Can Recall Numerous Occasions Where You Claimed Repeatedly That The Uses To Which You Bent Your Talents Were Always To The Benefit Of The Intended Recipients

WHAT A COINCIDENCE, I CAN RECALL NUMEROUS OCCASIONS WHERE YOU NEEDED TO SHUT THE HELL UP.

I Unfortunately Cannot Perhaps You Would Care To Enlighten Me

DO YOU WANT ME TO TRY AND HELP YOU OR NOT?

You dimly remember you were angry with him for tampering with your brain.  You hate him clawing around in there, puppeting you and massaging your thoughts until your mind is more pliant.  Any moment you could pass out from exhaustion, and you’ll return to that oozing, inky black world of things slithering just outside your vision.  Of decay and whispers in the dark and bottomless briny depths.

Yes

WELL LIKE I SAID EARLIER, I- WAIT REALLY?  JUST LIKE THAT?  NO STONEWALLING ME FOR HOURS ON END, RESISTING LIKE THE STUBBORN SHITBLOOD YOU ARE, NO MATTER-

Please

YOU KNOW WHAT, FINE.  I WON’T TALK SHIT JUST BECAUSE YOU FINALLY DECIDED TO LISTEN TO THE ADVICE OF PEOPLE MUCH SMARTER THAN YOURSELF.

Yes Thank You For Being So Uncharacteristically Magnanimous I Promise I Will Not Get Used To It

ARE YOU KIDDING?  PUTTING YOUR DUMB ASS TO BED IS PRACTICALLY A PUBLIC SERVICE.  HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO FUCK ANYTHING ELSE UP WHEN YOU’RE ASLEEP?

How Can I Fault Your Flawless Logic

AND MAYBE WHILE I’M SOLVING ALL YOUR PROBLEMS, I COULD TELL SERKET ABOUT YOUR LITTLE INFATU8TION.

Karkat

I’M SERIOUS.  I COULD TELL HER WHILE YOU’RE UNDER.  YOU’D GET A GR8 DAY’S SLEEP AND W8KE UP TO HER RIDING YOUR BULG-

You punch him in the stomach, hard.  He ‘oofs’ softly, wheezes.  Chuckles.  It wouldn’t be a pile with Kanaya Maryam if he didn’t leave with at least one new bruise.  Tonight you gave him several.

STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF.  I’M NOT EVEN IN YOUR NUGBONE AND I CAN FEEL IT FROM HERE.  IT’S REPUGNANT.

Mmm, you yawn cavernously.  What About You?

WHAT ABOUT ME?

What Is Your Master Plan For Staying Awake?  Have You Found A Way To Apply Your Magnificent Mental Mutation To Your Own Thought Sponge?

FIRST OF ALL, EAT SHIT AND DIE.  THERE IS EXACTLY ONE MUTANT IN THIS PILE AND IT ISN’T ME.  AND SECOND, ARE _YOU_ SERIOUSLY WORRIED ABOUT _ME_?  DESPITE THE EXHAUSTIVELY DOCUMENTED FACT THAT YOU’RE AWFUL AND I’M AMAZING?

Yes

WELL DON’T BE.  UNLIKE THE REST OF YOU CRACKPANNED BUCKET KICKERS, MY MIND IS A GODDAMNED STEEL TRAP.  THE INSIDE OF KARKAT VANTAS’ SKULL IS OFFICIALLY A NO SLEEP ZONE.

Be That As It May You Must Know On Some Level That Is Not A Suitable Long Term Solution

I’LL BE _FINE_.

No he won’t.  None of you will be ever again.

He runs a hand absently through your tangled hair.

READY?

He asked, instead of just doing it.  You nod, breathing softly into his shoulder.  He pulls your ragged cape over both of you like a blanket.

ALRIGHT, HERE GOES.

 

In your head, his presence rushes toward you.  Loathsome and comforting in equal measures, as always.

  
  
You sleep.


End file.
